Doping

People have been asking me what I think of Lance Armstrong's (perceived) admission of doping. What's it like to see one of your heroes denigrated and climb down from his pedestal? In truth I view the man no differently. He was a magnificent athlete then and now, his skill on a bike and all consuming desire to win I still find remarkable. Doped or Not.I have been a massive cycling fan since childhood and have read pretty much every biography and history book I could get my hands on. I'm of the opinion that the general cycling fan has little or no concept of how engrained and integral drugs and other types of performance enhancements are in cycling past, present and future. In the case of Lance I'm of the opinion that if he wasn't doping in the era he was racing, then he is truly a cycling god on terms with the undisputed king of cycling; "The Cannibal" - Eddy Merckx. Lance's performance on the roads of France were awe inspiring there is no doubt. I would consider him now and then to be one of my all time heroes, the hurdles he has over come and the tenacity he has displayed in life and on the road is truly inspiring. After reading his book I must confess that my opinion of him changed, these books had large passages that smacked of insincerity and false humility which left me cold. One thing I remember of Lance in his heyday were his interviews, his emotions were always pretty clear even beneath the gloss of his flawless media training. He is a gallus character who has thrown his toys out of the pram on many occasions. This is why the climb down form the USADA charges seems so out of character for a man whose fervent drive to crush, maim and stamp all over his rivals made him such a legend. Maybe he has just mellowed with age?So if this is about Lance Armstrong why have I drawn a picture of Marco Pantani. Well Pantani changed my life and was also one of cycling's most prolific dopers. I was fortunate enough (in the company of my Father) to have seen Pantani's unbelievable victory on Alpe D'huez in 1997. We were high up on the mountain, we had ridden up earlier in the morning and the atmosphere was electric, after the maelstrom of the caravan publicity had subsided we all waited on tender hooks for the riders to come through. We could see the hairpins below and when the leading car was spotted everybody leaned over the parapets to gain a better view, nobody could spot a rider. We just got occasional glimpses of cars and bikes. We could hear the crowds roaring below us, the excitement was so intense I had butterflies. Finally the unmistakable shiny head of Pantani came into view below. He was motoring, he had an unbelievable pace on him. Stood up dancing furiously on the pedals he briefly went out of sight as he rounded the hairpin we were just beyond. When he came back into sight I have never seen such an aparición, the speed at which he approached was mind bending. His face a picture of absolute determination, hunched over on the drops he looked possessed, other worldly and hard wired to Hades. I had never been witness to such presence, the man looked demented, in extreme pain and yet he danced on the pedals with enormous lightness and dexterity. Spinning a massive gear for the gradient, he was there and then he was gone. I was left standing agog in complete and unadulterated awe, I was actually scared. What I witnessed that day I will never forget, the man's charisma, the pain written on his face and the enraged stare. He seemed to be powered by some intense and all consuming hatred.Pantani is now famous for being one of the most doped up athletes of all time. The book written by Manuela Ronchi, his manager of eight years, pulled no punches and painted a picture of a desperate and flawed character. Moreover it exposed the brutal pressures of trying to survive as a professional cyclist. The extent to which Pantani used EPO is monumental, allegedly at times he was using so heavily that he could not sleep more than 4 hours without having to do an hour on the turbo trainer, otherwise his blood would have become so thick that his heart would have struggled to pump it. In the end, out of his mind, alone and barricaded in a hotel room with vast amounts of cocaine - both in the room and in his body - he died of a heart attack.Now when I saw him blast by me on Alpe D'heuz I knew very little about doping. The fact that Pantani was up to his eyeballs on all kinds of gak makes little difference to me. His performance and presence that day changed me. I witnessed another human doing something extraordinary, super human and magnificent. If I had seen Jimi Hendrix play at Woodstock I would not discount his genius because he was out of it on acid. If I look at a Van Gogh I don't discount it because he was fleein' on the absinthe. In the real world people take drugs and on occasion that empowers them to achieve insurmountable, serendipitous feats, which humanity can revel in and admire.As for Lance, whether he doped or not doesn't matter to me. Professional cycling has always had a very close relationship to drugs from the very first tours to Jacques Anquetil, Tommy Simpson, Festina and all the rest, it's pretty clear how prevalent doping is. Even grass roots kermes racing in Belgium has such a reputation for amphetamines, that some people race just to get on the drug scene. Armstrong's closeness to Michele Ferrari the team doctor who is basically the Don of blood boosting drugs is probably enough of an indictment. Fact is Armstrong achieved great things, rode a bike magnificently and doped or not put's most mainstream athletes performance in the shade.Chapeau to all the high performance junkies past and present, I love bike racing and I'll love it whether it's clean or not.